STOP.

THE.

PRESSES.

Us Weekly has just graced us with the hottest, sexiest, most fascinating honeymoon in the history of the Bachelorverse—nay, dare I say it, in the history of the universe. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that everyone’s favorite power couple, Arie and Lauren—that guy who was rejected by Emily Maynard, and that girl who was originally rejected by Arie himself—just tied the knot in Hawaii and their subsequent honeymoon IS. ON. FIRE.

“Scroll down to see the latest pics from their romantic vacation!” Threatens Us Weekly. 

Guys, are you ready for this? Are you ready for the steamiest honeymoon ever? Can you control yourself as you bear witness to this tantalizing spread? Can you squelch your jealousy as you witness this epic power couple having the time of their lives??

OH MY GOD I CAN’T EVEN. The glamour! The energy! The depth! I feel so bad for everyone on their own honeymoons who has to see this, because nothing they ever do can possible live up to the amazing dream vacation that Arie and Lauren are currently on.

I cannot wait to see more pictures. What do you think this dream couple will let us experience alongside them? Getting coffee from the self-pour station at the Holiday Inn Oahu? Stepping into a taxi to go to dinner? Frowning over the bill as they try to tip, because the waiter was good but not like, great, so they want to give 18% tip, but it’s so much harder to figure out that percentage than it is to just say fuck it and round up to 20%?

Like the rest of the world, I’ll be breathless in anticipation until then.